Depression & Shame
Preached one of my most ill-formed, incoherent, boring sermons in quite some time (well, at least from my side of the microphone). And it made me feel terrible. I think I have some -ism in me that I need to bring before Jesus. I feel like I had to apologize afterwards, that I had to go out of my way to tell people that I only had a few hours to prepare, that they wouldn’t hold it against me.
To make it worse, my brother- and sister-in-law were there, and I wanted to make sure that I was speaking to them too, since they aren’t Christians (or at least not practicing).
But I guess one good thing has come of this…I realize that I don’t know how to really reach out to people like my brother- and sister-in-law…people who aren’t antaganistic towards Christianity…they come to church every time they’re in town, but they have another life to live, they don’t think religion is for them right now, they have some fundamental beliefs they feel are different from the church.
At our Summer Retreat, I’m going to be teaching a workshop called “Gospel in a Pluralist Society”. I’m hoping that we’ll be able to explore some of these things. I’m not evangelist, but I realize that as a citizen of God’s kingdom, my mission exists because of God’s mission.
Anyways, I haven’t lost hope about this Christian community thing, so I’m still praying and my eyes are still open.